The Mars Volta - Since We've Been Wrong

Since We've Been Wrong

Do you still remember how you wore that dress
it slit my sight beneath the eyelids
Do you remember what you said to me
What course has given you the right to stray
And in your living tomb I'm stuck but safe
The clocks are ticking fast with every breath

Since we've been wrong
I've been part awake
Since we've been wrong
You will never ever know me
What took you so long
I'm not sure all the way
But my heart it asks just one more time
Are you still a mess?

One day a rain will come to wash away
The earth that held us was no island
I have become ingrown inside this skin
I'll find a way out through those eyelids

And all the days become a cast away
I seem to think I don't belong here

Since we've been wrong
I've been part awake
Since we've been wrong
You will never ever know me
What took you so long
I'm not sure all the way
But my heart it asks just one more time
Are you still a mess?

I don’t belong here
I shouldn't stay
What falls inside me grows empty
The wall between us will never break
Just seals it shut
It grows empty

Since we've been wrong
I've been part awake
Since we've been wrong
You will never ever know me
What took you so long
I'm not sure all the way
Since we've been wrong
I've been part awake
Since we've been wrong
You will never ever know me
What took you so long
I'm not sure all the way
But my heart it asks just one more time
Are you still a mess?

La seule nuit (work in progress)

I picked you up somewhere along the line.
I told you I like your earrings.

Love, loveless; stars shooting
in your eyes like fake jewellery.
Your body is oh so real on touch.

Somewhere I think I can hear
your voice calling for love
but I can only see you crawling,
a shadow of a dog.

(I can't believe I'm so excited
over something which will lose
its value in about 10 minutes;
it must be the capitalist dream
keeping me awake)

Undressed; getting lost in the rhythm,
In this movement,
Until you set me free -

Eventually.

tiny excerpt from (een) Zwarte Zomer (working title)

Onmacht doet Carlo besluiten uit de kapitalistische wereld te vertrekken, uit Nederland te vertrekken, naar Afrika te gaan, naar een land waar de maatschappelijke problemen niet zo kinderachtig zijn, niet gaan over wie meer geld heeft en het wel of niet willen afstaan van kleinzielige vrijheden, terwijl vrijheid toch niet in gradaties is te meten, althans niet meer in Westerse maatschappijen; vrijheid is een gevoel, vrijheid moet je niet kleineren met problemen die de naam niet waard zijn, met problemen die toch eigenlijk niemand serieus mag nemen. Carlo heeft de vrijheid naar een Afrikaans land te gaan wanneer en op wat voor manier hem dat belieft, een Afrikaan heeft niet dezelfde vrijheid; dat is vrijheid, niet of een immigrant in je straat komt wonen en jouw straatbeeld verpest, achterlijke mongool, vergeef me mijn terminologie; als dat de naam vrijheid draagt dan wordt het tijd ons woordenboek te herzien.

Whether or not to give in to capitalism should be the most important issue for the intellectuals to be growing up in our era. - (fictitious character) Carlo (Marx)

Het wel of niet toegeven aan kapitalisme zou de belangrijkste kwestie moeten zijn voor opgroeiende intellectuelen van onze tijd. - (fictitious character) Carlo (Marx)

"We are here to do good to others. What the others are here for, I don't know."

- W.H. Auden.

Notes to an Absent Lover, #4

Zonder jou
Beleef ik niet wat ik leef.

Barcelone / Picasso

Après avoir visité Barcelone, et le musée de Picasso, quelques petites notes.


Please, oh please, read Fyodor Dostoyevsky, read Crime & Punishment, for it's a marvelous book; but I need you to read it, most of all and regardless of its beauty, to confirm that Pablo Picasso has painted something which is so similar to an image described in a scene in C&P, a fantastic painting. Je l'ai cherché sur internet mais je l'ai pas trouvé. Ca me souvient d'une belle citation de Picasso:

"Je ne cherche pas, je trouve."

Demande-moi si tu veux le voir! J'ai acheté une carte postale de ce tableau. Phénoménal.

Quelque chose d'autre. Comment c'est possible pour Picasso de pouvoir déménager en France facilement comme ça, sans problèmes de barrière de la langue? Il me semble qu'aujourd'hui ils existent plus de barrières qu'avant, quand les artistes, les poètes, ils voyagaient aux autres pays sans problèmes du tout. Whereas nowadays it's not obligatory anymore to learn any language other than English, which is also exactly the mentality of the people, because of which they lose all sense of beauty in other languages and even in English.

I hope I will never stop learning languages.

Happiness Revisited (egoism and the happiness of others)

Growing up is a form of degradation. Innocence is the purest concept I know, in all my childish experience, and it’s also the first thing you lose when ageing, until you reach a stage of pure consciousness, total awareness of everything around; some psychologist of yore called this building a superego, das überich (or rather this is how I prefer using his concept). Therefore, when we grow up, we face the following duality: we either desperately attempt to hold on to our innocence, ignorant and in denial of the perception our senses give us, and more importantly, nostalgic of what we used to be. Although this might work for some, I believe the reflective human being, when opting for this, will necessarily feel discontent, on the one hand trapping himself in his childhood and on the other hand not wanting to give up the pleasures of being an adult, combined with a lack of taking responsibility for one’s actions. This is one of the hallmarks of western civilization, interestingly enough to be found throughout all education classes, from alcoholic university students to hustling youngsters in the slums. The other option is accepting the loss of innocence. Within this domain there are again multiple possibilities. The road to happiness is roughly divided by the decision to care or not to care about this loss of innocence. Those who don’t care have naturally, as they don’t care, chosen to live a life in which respect for others has reached a low; their non-innocence allows them to. They have a weak superego. The ultimate point is that they care about no-one other than themselves. How they have come to be like this is an altogether different albeit interesting question, which is of no particular relevance at the moment. The other option of adulthood, intrinsically more difficult to achieve than the one just described, is the only form which allows others to be happy not only regardless of but even because of another’s happiness. The strength of one’s superego plays a major role in this. It enables one to keep one’s pleasures of adulthood, whatever these may be, within certain boundaries, allowing those around him space to express themselves to a similar degree. It seeks a form of innocence incomparable to childish innocence but nonetheless valuable, I could argue even more valuable. Not only does one not harm others purposely but with the reflective capabilities one gains with adulthood one can better judge what will please another than with the childish form of innocence. It must be evident that it is this last category we must explore in order to be able to consider its usefulness as a theoretical approach. A debate on the realistic or idealistic mindset and which is the better (read: idealism is better than realism), is also very much appropriate, as the existence of the kind of innocence as described for the last category is very much dependent on an idealistic mindset, as is all improvement in life.

Notes to an Absent Lover, #3

Je ne t'ai oublié
qu'esperant de pouvoir te retrouver

quelque part.

Rêver en français (reconstruction)

Je te vois, au-dessus des nuages, flotter sur la vie, criant de bonheur – ton corps deux fois plus grand que normale, quelque chose grandissant sans limite dans toi, et comme tu grandis, ta joie grandit aussi rapidement – tes cheveux se composent de roses fleurissant, et tu me vois comme j’ai déjà tout ce que je souhaiterais.

Je te promets que je reviendrai presque immédiatement et je pars, vous avez besoin de nourriture. Tu étends tes deux mains, deux autres mains dans ton intérieur qui s’etendent – il me blesse que tu penses qu’il existe une possibilité de te laisser complètement seule, même si à partir de maintenant tu ne seras jamais seule, et après avoir dit cela, tu me dis qu’en fait je suis un homme.

Sans être fâché et sans faire autres promesses je t’abandonne. Tu m’as dit assez souvent que tu me connais et si tu me connais, tu sais que je reviens. Combien de fois je suis déjà revenu ?

Je rentre, dans mes bras plein de choses pour ta survie et mon cœur plein de vous. Tu m’embrasses sur ma gorge, une fois pour toi et la deuxième pour elle, et je crie comme un bébé.